Shalia's Diary Read online

  I nodded. “Of course I’ll help. Put your thoughts together, list the objectives of the rescue mission, and I’ll word it for the best effect.”

  “Thank you, Shalia. I can’t begin to explain how much I appreciate your help.” He caressed my cheek, and I leaned into his touch. I needed reassurance so badly.

  That’s why when he lifted me into his lap, I didn’t resist. Those arms, as big and strong as oak limbs, closed around me. Nang held me tight and safe in the shelter of his embrace. I leaned my face against his chest and cried. He said nothing. He just rocked me a bit and occasionally pressed his lips to my forehead.

  At some point, those kisses traveled downward. Lost in the desperate need to feel everything was all right, I lifted my face so our lips met. The carnal wave that swept through me when Nang’s tongue crept into my mouth took away all the fear and pain.

  The kiss wasn’t torrid by any means. It was gentle but incredibly thorough. I tasted raw, powerful male, if that makes any sense. Nang’s knowing kiss made me feel soft all over. Small. Helpless. But not in a bad way, not when he made me feel so safe at the same time. There was a strength that neither Dusa nor Esak possess, as delicious as they are. Nang seems to me like a rock against which the elements shatter. He’s stoic, never bending or breaking.

  I probably would have given him anything at that moment, simply so I could continue to shelter in his might. I got aroused by his kiss and by the slow circles his fingertips drew around my breasts, which made the tips stand up in hard, eager points. I stroked his tongue with mine, enjoying the rasp of it. His breath warmed my throat and wafted down to warm my heart as well, which had been frozen from the moment I’d read the note. My belly heated in turn, melting my insides so that liquid seeped from my pussy.

  It would have no doubt ended with me beneath Nang’s hard body, his groin driving against mine, but the shuttle arrived to drop Mom off for the night. I moved away from the Dramok commander with real regret. He said his hellos to Mom, who seemed blissfully unaware of any drama.

  I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel when it comes to the Kalquorians I’ve had near and real liaisons with. I adore Dusa and Esak, but it was Nang who was there right then, Nang taking care of me. Nang is the man who has the power to keep me protected.

  I am such a mess right now. But at least Mom and I are safe. I hope.

  September 22 (early)

  I can’t sleep. Never mind that there are guards standing outside my door; I’m still waiting to be attacked. You know, there were a lot of weapons left lying around after Armageddon. Who knows who has what out there, ready to use it on me or Mom? Blasters, in particular. If enough people are pissed off at me, they could overwhelm the two Nobeks outside, come in, and kill us before any help could possibly arrive. They may decide to forego the whole torture issue and just get straight to the execution.

  Another issue I’m wrestling with is my morality. I never had to worry about that because: a. I didn’t buy into the whole ‘sex outside of marriage will put you in Hell’ mantra; and b. I didn’t like sex anyway, so I wasn’t having it unless it was forced on me.

  Well, ‘b’ has been blown right out the window. Now I like sex. Specifically, sex with aliens. Even two at a time! If I hadn’t read about the Israelites having multiple wives, I’d feel worse about it, but it still strikes me as kind of immoral. I guess I’m a product of my society after all. It was great while it was happening, but now I’m kind of questioning it. Am I a bad person for sleeping outside my species? With doing it with more than one guy at a time?

  Oh, and let’s not even get started about the third guy who’s put himself on my radar, Dramok Nang. I’m attracted to him too. He’s interesting because he’s different from Dusa and Esak. He’s more mature. Here’s a man not interested in just his favorite incredibly loud music, but also things I’m interested in. I get the idea we could have much more intellectual conversations than I can expect from Dusa and Esak. But I really care about my youngsters. They’re so sweet and cute and they do stuff to me that makes my hair stand on end.

  I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want to hurt them. I have no idea if chasing my fascination with Nang would upset them or if they’d even care. I’m too afraid to ask.

  It’s not like we’ve pledged ourselves to one another. I tell myself that, but it still makes me squirmy to think they’d be hurt or angry or see me as what the Earthers have decided I am: a whore. I’ve got no clue what’s right or wrong in their society. Meanwhile, I’m all too aware of what is wrong in mine. I am playing with fire, and it could get me killed.

  Well, enough of me wrestling with my sex demons. I need to get Mom up and moving. Her shuttle will be here soon.

  September 22 (later)

  It’s amazing what sleep does to fix an attitude. After sending Mom off to her daytime activities, I went back to bed and finally got some winks. I feel much better now, especially since Dusa sent me a message while I was conked out. He and Esak asked me and the old lady to join them for dinner tonight. We’ll sit around and gab until Mom is ready to go to bed. Once she’s squared away, I’ll go back to their quarters for a little ... ahem ... ‘dessert’.

  Yes, I’m back on the upswing of my eternal seesaw. I’m once more feeling I deserve a little fun after the hell I’ve been through. I want to kick overbearing morality to the curb with the thought that it’s what put Earth on the extinction list. No doubt I’ll second guess my behavior again at some point in the near future. Maybe I’m as bipolar as my mother. It’s one extreme or the other. I need counseling.

  But for now, I’ll settle for sex. It gives me something to look forward to. When I’m getting laid, I don’t worry about anything. Being scared and angry are the last things on my mind.

  I still don’t know what I’ll do about my attraction to Nang. It would fix everything if I didn’t have to see him again, but I’m almost done putting my presentation together. In fact, I should let him know we need to sit down and talk about it tomorrow. Eep! Temptation will no doubt raise its ugly head. I really should find out how Dusa and Esak feel about me being with another man. Or maybe I should just tell Nang no. That’s easy enough until he gets those hands and mouth on me. Then my brain short-circuits and I’m a puddle of goo.

  Damn, why can’t I have my cake and eat it too? Hmm. Or would that be, why can’t I have my Kalquorians and – hahahahaha. I am so nasty.

  Well, crap on it. I’ll work on the presentation, go grab Mom, meet the cuties, and have my fun. Live today, because I might be gone tomorrow. That would be a certainty if darned uptight Earthers have their way.

  September 23 (early)

  Last night was good. Mom gave Esak his cap and he put it on right away. He showed no trace of reluctance whatsoever, even though the cap was a prissy shade of lilac and hot as the blazes. Even at night it feels like warm bathwater around here. Nevertheless, Esak wore his knitted cap like it was the most natural thing in the world and thanked Mom profusely for looking out for his welfare.

  Mom said, “Don’t worry, Dusa, I haven’t forgotten about you. I want to do something extra special since you got me the yarn. It might take a little while though. That Commander Nang has such a big head, and I promised him a scarf too. Yours will be next though!”

  Dusa bowed his head with a smile. “You are too kind, Matara Eve.”

  Dinner was relaxed. I took the opportunity to ask about Dusa and Esak’s – courtship? I guess that’s what you’d call it. I asked, “So when you two were thinking about clanning, did you hang out together exclusively? I take it you weren’t as, um, friendly with other Nobeks, Dusa.”

  Yep, I was digging for information. I needed to know whether or not to remain exclusive with these two for as long as we found each other so enticing.

  Dusa looked at Esak, who grinned slyly. Dusa snorted and said, “Actually, I was spending a lot of time with another Nobek when Esak and I met. I saw them both simultaneously for a little while.”

  I nod
ded. “So it was no big deal.”

  Dusa shrugged. “I wasn’t clanned, so I was free to explore my options. A few weeks later the other Nobek started avoiding me, so I decided he was no longer interested. I later found out Esak had gotten him into a rather precarious position and told him he could step away or get badly hurt.”

  I arched an eyebrow at Esak. “A precarious position?”

  He grinned like a wolf. “One should be very careful leaning over a balcony that’s a hundred feet in the air.”

  “Leaning?” Dusa rolled his eyes. “Esak dangled him by his ankles.”

  “I knew who was meant to be my Dramok,” the Nobek said, not ashamed in the least. “Your other suitor needed some persuasion to understand the truth of the situation.”

  Wow. I didn’t know whether to be impressed or horrified with Esak’s possessive tactics.

  Dusa laughed. “We are a good fit. Now we need an Imdiko.”

  “I like that Weln. I think he likes us too.”

  “Oh, he takes care of Mom during the mornings and early afternoons,” I said. “He’s a sweetheart.”

  Dusa glanced at me. “You like him, Shalia?”

  “He’s wonderful. He treats Mom like a queen. You should definitely ... um ... talk to him.” Good heavens, I couldn’t say ‘date’. They were all men, and though I had a suspicion that ‘date’ was the correct term it was still too taboo for me to say.

  Dusa nodded. “I have spoken to Imdiko Weln a couple of times. He seems a likely prospect.” He glanced at Esak. “We’ll arrange to spend some time with him, if he’s interested.”

  Esak smirked. “Actually, I already have and he is. You’ll like him. A lot.”

  Dusa’s eyes narrowed. “Nobek, you and I are going to have a talk later.”

  Esak’s smile disappeared. “Yes, my Dramok.”

  That closed the conversation down. I kind of had what I needed to know anyway, so that was fine. I hoped Esak hadn’t gotten himself in too much trouble with Dusa. It was interesting to see how steely the Dramok got with his fierce-looking clanmate and how quick Esak was to bow to his command.

  This is weird, I know, but it kind of got me hot to see how firm Dusa could be.

  I was more than ready for alone time with the boys after Mom was settled for the night. I felt rather awkward as we went from my dorm to Dusa and Esak’s. Remember, I have a bodyguard following me around. This fellow manning the night shift was older than my pair and very scary looking. He had a look that made me think if any of my detractors came along, they’d probably run screaming the instant he stared at them. I didn’t ask his name. I didn’t want that vicious glare aimed at me.

  It was with a lot of embarrassment and not a little relief to close the door, leaving Big Scary outside to keep an eye on things. No doubt he knew exactly what I was up to with the two men, who kind of swaggered all the way to their dorm. I guess scoring an Earther girl for a few hours is a matter of pride for the Kalquorians. I made a vow to keep as quiet as possible during our tryst.

  That’s hard to do when you’re being tied down. Yes, tied down. The instant everyone was naked, Dusa and Esak put me on all fours on the floor. Then they did that freaky ‘moving so fast they’re blurs’ thing. My ankles were suddenly flex-tied to the legs of the room’s desk, and I was on my elbows because my wrists were bound together and tied to one of the bed’s supports. I never had time to protest. I looked up at my captors, my eyes and mouth wide open in shock.

  “She looks good with her ass in the air,” Esak observed.

  “Very good,” Dusa agreed. He stood over me with a not-so-nice grin that made my heart flutter and my pussy drool.

  “Hey ... guys?” I said, not wanting to sound too scared. “Um, this wasn’t what I expected for fun and games tonight.”

  “No?” Dusa got down on the floor to lie on his back next to me. His cocks pointed at the ceiling while he reached beneath me to tweak first one nipple, then the other. Electric zingy things fired down from his touch to my clit. “Maybe we wanted to surprise you.”

  “Count me surprised,” I laughed weakly. “Can we do this without the bondage?”

  Esak kneeled on the opposite side. His big, warm hand rubbed over my butt. “But it makes you helpless for us. You can’t get away.”

  “Yeah, well it’s actually kinda freaking me out.” Panic was starting to edge into my voice.

  “And exciting you.” Esak’s hand moved down to stroke my open cleft. His fingers found me soaking wet, and I couldn’t help but push into his caressing fingers.

  “Does being afraid arouse you, Shalia?” Dusa’s voice was deceptively quiet.

  I stared at him. I didn’t know how to answer. My pulse drummed fast, and I really felt my vulnerability. I thought they would probably untie me if I insisted, but there was that nagging doubt in my head that said they might not. I was bound and completely at their mercy. They could take me without any trouble at all. I looked at Dusa’s cocks, huge and swollen and ready to get inside me.

  I was afraid. I was also incredibly turned on. More than ever, I thought of how messed up my head was, and my body even more so as it continued to gush need over Esak’s stroking fingers.

  “I’ve lost my mind,” I groaned.

  Dusa only grinned. “I have mastered you before. You seem to enjoy having a strong man take care of your needs, even when you’re a bit nervous. Especially when you’re nervous.” He tugged on one nipple, his grasp firm enough that I felt the slightest sliver of pain. I shuddered and watched him, like a trapped fly might watch an approaching spider.

  Esak slid a finger into my pussy. I moaned and couldn’t help but move against him, taking him as deep as my imprisoned body would allow. He worked in and out of me, fucking me with first the one, and then two fingers.

  Dusa went to the other breast and tugged on that one too, watching me carefully as I bit my lip against the bit of sting. “You said you trusted me. I want to find out how much.”

  I didn’t know what he wanted from me. I didn’t know if I could give him whatever it was.

  His voice was gentle but firm. I sensed the same control he wielded over Esak being placed over me. “You will submit to everything we want. You will accept our control over your body without question or complaint. You will only protest if something we do is beyond your physical or emotional abilities to withstand.”

  Esak’s attentions went to my ass. He put both fingers, slick from me, inside. I shuddered as he worked the tight ring of muscles, stretching them for use.

  Dusa grasped my chin and made me look at him. His eyes were steady, uncompromising. “Do you understand what I want from you, Shalia? Absolute obedience to our wants. If you are in too much pain or overwhelmed, you will say sholt, and we will stop.”

  I froze. “Pain?” I whispered.

  He shook his head slightly. “Not the pain that results from being taken against your will. This pain—” he tugged at my nipple again, bringing a heady bolt of discomfort “—or this pain.” He nodded to Esak.

  There was a slap and a sting against one butt cheek. I yelped more in surprise than anything else. Warmth pulsed from the spot Esak had smacked. The heat crept inside, mixing with the churning tickle in my belly. It smarted, but – but it was weirdly nice in a way. It went along with the whole tied up and helpless thing that had me going.

  I tried to think straight. I liked pain? It shouldn’t be, yet ... yet honey continued to creep down my thighs.

  I looked up at Dusa. “You won’t really hurt me? And you’ll stop if I say that word?”

  He cupped my chin and kissed me with a gentle mastery that wiped my mind clean of anything but his and Esak’s touches. I gave myself over to him, feeling safe despite all he’d done and said.

  The kiss ended, and Dusa looked at me with reassurance. “The word is sholt. Say it, Shalia.”

  “Sholt,” I repeated.

  “Will you surrender yourself entirely to us?”

  I swallowed. I stared into Dusa’
s eyes. From far away, I heard myself say, “Yes.”

  “Good girl.” That praise warmed me from head to toe. In that moment, I might have allowed Dusa anything.

  “Nothing too extreme this first time we totally dominate you. I don’t want you to fear us,” he whispered. “Has a man ever spanked you, Shalia?”

  My dad had tanned my hide a couple of times when I was younger. Mom had beaten the tar out of my ass several times. Somehow I knew that wasn’t the kind of thing Dusa was talking about. My heart pounded fit to jump out of my chest.

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “No, Dramok,” he corrected me. “That is how you will address me while we enjoy you tonight. And you will call Esak, Nobek. You will use our breed titles with great respect.”